if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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