9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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