The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
