Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
