what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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