The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
