My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize