yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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