I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize