i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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