Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
