Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i will never coherently bang her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
