i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
