sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
