apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
