you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
