i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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