when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We need to get me chipped asap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
