Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize