I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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