The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
