Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
