you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
