he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
