I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
