epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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