Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
