They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
