my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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