We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
