don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
