Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
