Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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