WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
God, I missed his penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
