my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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