I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
