I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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