At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
