just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize