1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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