a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
