Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My dick has a subreddit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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