You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
