there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
