Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
