Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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