You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize