I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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