toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
