He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is my gift to your gina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
