So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
