she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
