i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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