I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
