If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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