I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize