YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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