The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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