So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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