3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize