sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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