i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
