haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
